Sometimes Life Hurts

 It seems like every time I think I have life figured out another stone is tossed in the water. The truth is when the ripples hit the water, it feels more like waves pounding on the surface of my heart. Most of the time I don't know what to do so I just wait and see how things are going to turn out.  It is by no means easy. My hope is that things will work out for the best.

It's in times like these that I really believe everything happens for a reason. I have lived long enough to see that the things we think are bad, really are a good thing in the long run. I just wish it was easier to deal with...but it isn't, and that is as they say it that. There are no excuses or even bridges over the things we have to go through. There are no short cuts in the experiences that make us who we are. If there were, you can be sure to know I would tell you where they are.

I'm sitting in my living room right now, looking at my life. Some of it is really good and other parts are wounds that will never truly heal. They don't haunt me though and I guess that's a good thing. They just are...they just exist. There are days I wish I could say 'I'm gonna go back and make a different decision' the thing is, it never works that way.

I don't know what to do all the time. I just know that right now, everything happens for a reason. There are things in life that can kill you, that should kill you but it doesn't. Divorce should kill you, but it doesn't. Your child choosing to live with a different parent, but it doesn't. Even watching your sick family member should kill you and yet, here we are, all of us still alive. We can choose to do one of two things. We can wallow in it. Drown in the sorrows that life has to give us, or now here's the hard one, we live with hope, faith and love for everything else life has to offer.

There is no other thing to say except maybe: Live with what you have, enjoy who you have and love that which is good in life. Don't focus on the negative. Most of us drive ourselves crazy trying to figure out where we went wrong. Don't do that. Learn from yesterday and hope for tomorrow but live in today.

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A Little Time to Reflect

It's been such an amazing past couple of months, I have been living in what I like to call a surreal reality. Meaning- so many good things have been happening to me for the first time in my life, I'm almost afraid to say any of it out loud. I don't want to jinx anything...lol...

I know it sounds odd, but the truth is that life hasn't always been this good to me. Most of it has been because of choices either I've made or choices I've allowed to be made for me. This time though, I have made up my mind and decided I was going to go for something and I did. Now, I'm sitting here, looking into an open door to this whole other life that might actually be possible for me. This small girl who lives in a small town in the middle of nowhere might actually be heard by a publishing company.

This journey, yes it's a journey, has been a long road. It has been fraught with heartache, laughter, love and frustration. It has been full of so many things that I don't know if I can actually explain it all in this small blog. So, I'm going to focus on a small part.

As many of you know, my home burned down a few years ago. Not so much impressive there, just sad. However, what happened when I went back into the house to find out if there was anything that made it is nothing less than a miracle and a sign. My disks and a hard copy of one of my first novels was left on my desk, untouched by the fire. Beside the disks and hard copy, was my computer. The computer itself was melted into a flat plastic pancake. By all rights, my disks and the hard copy should not have made it through, let alone made it through without a single mark on them. It is my miracle and the single sign I needed to kick me in the ass. It's the thing that said "Don't give up!" So I didn't.

It took two years to get a new computer. In the mean time, I wrote. I wrote on everything. I had a notebook with me all the time. I still do. I wrote everything I saw. I even wrote things I didn't see. I wrote short stories. I wrote what ifs, names and well you name it, I wrote it.

When I picked up my new computer, it cost me a total of $405.00, but to me, it was the best thing I've ever been able to get. It's a laptop so it has wireless connecion. I love that about laptops. I went onto a website called Face Book. I'm sure everyone has heard about it. One of the first writers I met on there is named Ken Carroll. He had just announced the date of his novel. I was so excited about it and it wasn't even mine. I met him on the Writer's Dock Party. I have to say I had no idea what I was getting into when I first requested to join the group. I met so many talented and wonderful people on that group and learned even more about life then I thought possible.

The Writer's Dock Party gave me my first lesson in writing. Never give up on a dream.  You would thing that something like that would be easy to know. The truth is I didn't have enough confidence in myself to even try to become a writer. Along the way I kept writing, learning and reading. A few months later, I met Tami Snow. She is a beautiful and gifted writer who is has been a complete pleasure to work with on a blog we co-founded called Slaves to the Muse. What started off as a friendship based on a common passion, writing, has become a cherished relationship. She has become my best friend. 

Then I met James Weil, writer of Swiss Chocolate. Some where along the line, we began talking about his novel. I can't wait for all of you to read it, because it's beautiful. James read the first page of my novel, I AM WOLF, and sent me a message. He said he would volunteer to edit my novel. It was such a great opportunity for me, possibly one that changed my life. It took me three months to write I AM WOLF then another month to edit. In the mean time, he was talking to his agent, Chamein Canton. She signed me on spec. From that point on,I have been living in a surreal world. I had an agent and an editor; both of which I didn't want to disappoint. So I wrote. I wrote short stories to work on my craft while I wrote I AM WOLF at the same time. As it turned out, Chamein loves my novel just as much as James and was glad she signed me. At least to this point...lol...we will see what happens next.

I guess the whole point of what I'm saying is this, when you least expect it, you're given a chance to do something you've always wanted to do. The only thing you have to be willing to do is put the work into it. I have been blessed to meet so many talented people along the way. I've met beautiful people with amazing personalities and been privileged enough to become a small part of the writers community. I don't know what's going to happen with I AM WOLF, but I can sleep with the knowledge that I have done my job. I have completed the first steps to a long list of things I want to do. I have my fingers crossed that I AM WOLF is picked up. I'm doing a dance and singing, (sorry if you can hear me singing...lol..) I have been inspired and inspired others. That in and of itself is a beautiful thing.

Thank you for taking this surreal journey with me up to this point. I can't wait to see what happens next!!!

K, I'm off to work on book 2. Lots of love and hugs to all!!!

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What I Know

I hate quotations, tell me what you know. ~~Ralph Waldo Emerson~~

Inspiration comes from many places and can come from a  friend quoting a beloved poet. Thank you Jeanne Norris for inspiring me on this blog post.

What I know is simple. Life is what you make it. The seconds drift off the clock the same way for everyone. Laughter really is the best medicine. Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion. I love the laughter of children. Work hard and be true to who you are and good things will happen.  You get in return what you put out there. It's always better to listen then to talk, you never know what you'll learn. Treat others the way you want treated. Show respect to those around you. Please and thank you go a long way to building mutual respect.

Yes, the things I know are simple. They have taken a lifetime to learn. What I learn everyday builds upon what I already know and the wisdom I have is small compared to most. As we go through life we are given hardships in order to grow as people. The one thing I know is that if we don't learn from those hardships, we will repeat the process.

I'm one of those people who truly believes everything in life happens for a reason, and no matter what, when you get knocked down, it's always better to pick yourself up and dust off. Staying down gives nothing. Every person I have met has taught me something when I've taken the time to listen.

The hardest thing to do in the world for some is to admit when you're wrong. The thing about this is when we are able to admit that, then we have a chance to grow, change and learn.

As I have said, the things I know are simple. They can be summed up in a few words. They are the basic wisdom's of my life. The things I use to build upon. The foundation to every person is simple. The complexities are in the layers built on top of  the foundation. This is what I know.

Once again, thank you Jeanne Norris for quoting Ralph Waldo Emerson, it inspired me...smiles...

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The 3 L's Cookie Shop

I have opened a new cookie shop called "The 3 L's Cookie Shop.

The greatest thing about this shop is you get to design your own cookies. You can use this for special events like a wedding shower or birthday party. All you need to do is contact me, send me a picture of what you want on the cookie, tell me what kind of cookies you want and how many you want. I can have them made and delivered to you for your fabulous event.

I look forward to hearing from you.

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Can you Feng Shui your Life?

Feng Shui is the art  is an ancient Chinese system of aesthetics believed to use the laws of both Heaven (astronomy) and Earth (geography) to help one improve life by receiving positive qi. (che)

***Taken from Wikipedia***

The question of the day is can you Feng Shui your life? Is it possible to rearrange your life to make it more positive?

It would seem there is a simple answer to the question. Cut the people out of your life that bring negative energy. The problem with this is we are all made of both negative and positive energy. The key to this is finding a balance between the positive and the negative energies in our lives.

To Feng shui your life is to make necessary changes and looking deep within yourself at your own insecurities. It also means being able to see the people who bring out the negative and doing something about it. Inner enlightenment can only come from facing the truth about who you are as a person.

I have a friend who sometimes brings out my own insecurities about myself with out meaning to.  This has to do with me and all the things I have worked on and overcome in my life. Does this mean that the person is a negative influence on my life? No, it means that I'm going to have to work harder on my own insecurities. It means looking pass the faults and realizing they are what make me unique.

Are in securities a bad thing? Some would say yes. I believe they make us human. They make us more compassionate about those around us. Let's say you meet someone who reminds you of yourself when you were younger. This person is awkward, or needs help with something that you're good at. Maybe it's a small thing, but this person reminds you of you. We all grow as people,  to me, it's better to help this person pass through a very difficult time in life. It becomes even more when you can give back, even when no one was there for you. The positive impact you have on a life is something that can't be weighed and measured. It has no monetary value and it means little when it comes to the bottom line. What is does give you is a glimpse of the person you used to be and allows you to reflect on how far you have come and where you're going.

I have another friend who is beautiful, talented and funny. She is also somewhat of a know it all. She is sure her way is the right way and will correct me no matter how embarrassing the timing is for me. All the positive out weighs the negative, so I deal with it. Is that a good thing? I don't know. The one thing I do know is this person has made me grow in so many different ways that cutting this person out would be a mistake. We all have our flaws. We either accept a person as a whole or not at all. Pretending to be there for someone when you aren't, is such a negative thing, that I find it would be impossible for me to do. I have a hard time with hypocrites. So much so, that for me it's better to be honest than fake.

To Feng Shui your life is to make difficult changes. It means realizing where your balance is and understanding that we are all flawed in one way or another. If you can understand the difference between a negative person and a person who makes you face things you don't want to, then there is hope that you can make a change for the better.

When we start with ourselves, we give light to the world without knowing it. It shines from within and brings light to those around us. Feng Shuiing you life isn't always easy, but it's worth it in the long run.

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PAY ATTENTION TO THIS, IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE!!!

I don't understand why kids are doing this. If they could see the pain it causes those who end up losing a hand or an arm, perhaps they wouldn't. Either way, I URGE YOU TO PAY ATTENTION TO THIS!!!


Kids are putting Drano, tin foil, and a little water in soda bottles

and capping it up - leaving it on lawns. When you go to pick up the trash,
and the bottle is shaken just a little - in about 30 seconds or less it
builds up a gas and explodes with enough force
to remove some of your extremities. The liquid that comes out is boiling hot
as well.

Don't pick up any plastic bottles
that may be lying in your yards or in
the gutter, etc.

Pay attention to this.

1. a plastic bottle with a cap.
2. a little Drano.
3. a little water.
4. a small piece of foil.
5. Disturb it by moving it; and BOOM!!

No fingers left and other serious effects to your face, eyes, etc.
People are finding these
"bombs" in mailboxes and in their yards, just
waiting for you to pick it up intending to put it in the trash.
But, you'll never make it!!! It takes about 30 seconds to blow after
you move the thing.

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How to find Balance

How do I find that balance between work and home? It seems to me that one or the other always misses out on something.

I work a part-time job. I love what I do. The thing is, sometimes when I'm there, I feel a little guilty because I also feel like I should be at home as well. I actually need the break away from home more than anything. I need to have something that is just for me.

I often ask myself if its selfish to want something for just me. I know that I should always take care of myself. Yet, here I am, sitting in my sweats today because it's Monday, and the kids and house always need done before I have any time for me.

I would love to know what goes through my little one's minds when I drop them off at the daycare. granted the person who watches them is terrific, however, that doesn't mean that she can take my place. Nor does she even try. I just feel bad because Trystan latches on to me and cries when I drop him off. What is he thinking? Is he thinking I don't want him anymore?

In truth, part of me wants to snatch him up and take him with me when I go to work. I know it isn't possible. How do other women do it?

The flip side to the whole thing is I love my job. I work with a zany group at a radio station. They are fun and professional at the same time. I fit in there. It feels good to fit in where you work. It also feels good knowing that I'm not useless and that there is more to me than changing diapers and doing dishes. When I'm at work, the laundry doesn't call out to me and my train of thought always stays on track. At work, I'm not Joann the mom, I'm Joann the coworker with thoughts and ideas that are listened to. I love that!!! I love the adult conversation and all that I'm learning. I have a sense of accomplishment.

Still, the question remains, how do the women who have it all do it all? That is what I want to know...lol...

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On Paper

Yesterday, my family and I went to my Jazzy's house to celebrate Carolyne's birthday. It was so cute. Jazzy's surprise for Carolyne was all the decorations and the cake. It was so cute and sweet I just couldn't help but to take lots and lots of videos and pics.

The party went on and she opened her presents then blew out the candles on her cake. I couldn't have asked for a better day. Then, from out of no where, Jazzy brought out a paper copy of my novel I AM WOLF. I looked at it and almost started to cry. This was the first time I had seen this on paper. I couldn't believe it. I wrote that!!! It was the most awesome feeling. Pride rushed through me about my accomplishment.

The whole day was perfect. My daughter had a great birthday party. She is growing up to become a beautiful young lady. That is the most important part of the day, but I can't help to have some pride about what Jazzy gave me when she handed me my novel in black and white. Thank you Jazzy for printing it out and giving me such a beautiful day...smiles...love you!!

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The Following is by Joshua

My son 14 year old son Joshua wrote the following paper. With his permission, I'm sharing it with all of you. When you're reading this, remember he is 14 years old. He may not have a complete understanding with the way things work, but he is on the right track. This paper shows so much about his character. He is growing to be a good young man.


Does My Generation Have a Role to Play in America's Future?

Some may ask me: Does my generation have a role to play n America's ever changing future? I would just nod and say yes because my generation is the next to fill America's offices of business and the empty seats of the Senate and the House of Representatives. We are the next to be in war but not the last to fall in an effort to defend this great country. America did not get the way it is now, easily. In the past, we faced countless challenges. Now, we face those and new, diverse challenges. Even in the future there will be challenges we face still today like health care, drugs and making sure the Senate is evenly balanced when it comes to deciding what's good, so that one group doesn't control the fate of this great country.

Health care I think is one of the first things that need changed. It should be in every one's top 5 list of importance. The secret to a good health care system is affordability; as not everyone can afford health coverage. The companies should lower the prices and the people could pay what they say they would pay. If health care happened to be affordable then less people would worry about getting sick and/or hurt and having to go to the hospital and be covered and not have every cent sucked out of your wallet or purse. Not all insurance companies are bad and selfish.  A few months ago I broke my arm and the insurance company my mom uses would not pay it because it happened out of state, but when that happened my dad gave the bill to the company he uses and they paid it. This is a big topic. If you think you can't make a difference in the area then think again. Even if you are 2 years old, everyone can make a difference whether if you don't get hurt or if you do, you can' make a difference. Maybe not on this topic, but there are plenty of things that need changed.

Take drug abuse for instance. There are so many drug addicts that I can't even count them all and I can count to 11,000; anything past that and I get really bored. There are so many ways to get drugs that people have stopped trying to to stop the problem. The only people doing anything about it is the FBI and the big city police. In small towns there isn't much of a problem but the cities and the drug junkies get what they want not need, want. The drugs don't just come from Mexico, they come from Africa, Russia, and even the US. there are some probably being grown in California. I speak that is how bad it is and it needs stopped now not later. NOW. If we can do something the we have done something to help stop this drug craze. Maybe the fact that so many are addicted to drugs that it is all they think about.

Another topic that is important to me is job loss and the economy. Many people have been affected by its crushing collapse, including me and many more in my home town. The fact that the oil spill in the Gulf Coast put thousands out of jobs is not helping much. Money is tight around us and other places that people are spending less and less and without that money circulating in the economy hurts it even more so. I say spend, spend, spend. I'm not talking about TVs or other luxury items. I mean necessities; food, clothes, junk like that to pump that much needed money back into the economy to help it grow, because $200.00 is not much when in other countries it would be a penny.

The US is not the only place with hardships. The whole world is in disarray with war, racism, and more.( should be less.) The war in Afghanistan is going to its 10th year and so far it's a draw on the only thing we should be focused on is home. The US that is where all of the main focus should be, not in some other country. The cost of the war has put this country way in dept.

so in the end, we are facing many problems and we still will. It won't be one day we are fighting a war that seems like it will never end. One day we are all buddy-buddy with that country. Then again that's how most wars end, but either way, conflict will still happen and those conflicts will turn into a great peace. So when disaster strikes we will all pitch in and maybe one day we will have world peace. My generation has one of the biggest roles to play in the future of not only America, but in the whole world.

Joshua Fuoss

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Cell Phones are the COOLEST!!

I have a new cell phone. It's a Samsung Message phone. I love it!! I can do so much with it and I have loads of fun playing with all the apps. Here is one of the latest little things I did with my phone.



This is Trystan being such a cutie pie. He's blowing kisses.




Here's another one of my little boy babbling.

 He is a year old and is growing faster than I can keep up with. The best thing is I don't have to fumble around for a camera to catch the moments I love because it's with me all the time. I'm one of those people who remembers cell phones as oversized and too expensive for most people to have. They were also a pain in the but because the size made them hard to carry. Cell phones have come a long way from the 80's. Then again, so has everything else.

To the people who sit in their own little creative world and invent new toys for us to play with and use in practical ways, thank you!!! Now I can capture my baby when he is too busy to stand still for a pic...smiles...

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A New Language

As most of you know, I'm working at a radio station now called KRSL. I LOVE IT!!! Today though left me wondering, am I too old to learn as quick as I used to?

I started learning how to do logs for the station. Though I have worked at a radio station before, this is the first time I have ever heard of a log, let alone seen how one is put together. Working on them is like entering a foreign land where everything has a purpose. In many ways, it's like a programming language. The funny thing about that is; it is literally used for programming the way everything plays on the radio.

The last radio station I worked at, the only thing I worried about was production. I really love doing production, however; I must admit that learning the business end of radio has been some what of a challenge. Words like logs, ROS, PSA, and even certain symbols mean something. There are some things that are placed in times because that's a request and there are some things that are placed because they are a must. Learning the difference between all of these made me feel a little more than lost and a lot less confident about what I was doing. I worked on the AM log. It took all day long, when it should've have taken me a couple hours.

Then something happened. I started to understand what things meant. It only took all day...lol...Taking all day learning something is odd for me. I usually catch onto things really fast.

What is the point to this whole blog? Well, it's simple. Even in my most humbling moment, Brenda and Larry, the owners of the station, couldn't have been nicer. Brenda answered every question I had and even explained the why of certain things which allowed me to put it all in perspective. In the end, I learned I was over analyzing most of what I was looking at and even learned what the meaning to a lot of the different symbols and letters meant. The truth is this, it doesn't matter how old you are, there is always something to learn. All it takes is a little perseverance and a lot of questions. It doesn't hurt to be surrounded by good people who want you to learn.

I don't know if they will ever read my blog as they have busier lives than I do. I just want to say thank you to them for allowing me the opportunity to expand my horizon. Often in life, we aren't given second chances to do that. This is mine. For all of you who read this, please know this is some of the best advice I can give. Never quit. It doesn't matter how long it takes to get it, just keep going until you do. then you will also have that little spark of understanding occur. Oh my, what a wonderful thing that is.

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GOOGLE ME

So I was talking with my friend Tami and she our Slaves to the Muse blog is now in google. I can't believe it!! For this reason, I googled Joann Buchanan-I AM WOLF and it came up with all the things I'm working on...HUGE SMILES...

It feels so good to know that all the hard work is starting to pay off!! What an amazing feeling that is. The whole ride has been fraught with ups and downs. There were even times when I wasn't sure if I was going down the right path. Google, what a good way to measure your progress.

For now, I'm happy with what I have seen, but I don't want to stay at that point. I want to push it further and make it grow as much as I can. This is the first time in my life where I have been able to say, "I'm accomplishing what I set out to."

I have a few friends and family members who have pushed me along the way. Without their encouragement, I don't know if I would have made it to this point. I have Chantell, John, Jeanne, Chamein, James, Tami, Chris, Rachel, and Abigail to thank for keeping me going.

Slaves to the Muse has become such an awesome blog to post to creatively and I AM WOLF is already being requested by people who want to read it. This is such a HUGE compliment to not just me but all of us on the Slaves to the Muse blog...smiles...Tami and I are both thrilled!!!

So, I guess you could say the point of the story is that I can now be googled and so can my friends...lol...talk about a cool thing!!!

I hope that all your dreams come true!!! Lots of smiles and hugs!!

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I LOVE THE RAIN

It's Monday morning and raining. I have to be at work in a couple hours and all I want to do is curl up with a good book. That's what the rain is good for. I love the rain. It's like mother natures own orchestra. When I close my eyes, I can hear the beating of the drums and all the sounds that go with it. The rain drops fall on everything, pulling it into one harmonious show.

I hae to work today though, so I don't get to relax with a book.

This is going to be a short blog today. Just a note to say how I love the rain.

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A New Blog for Soldiers and Their Families

Whispers from our Warriors

They are the men and women of America who wake up everyday to put on a uniform, just so they can walk through hell on earth. They stand on walls with guns to make sure we're safe. They see the most unimaginable things in life just so we may walk around our country without fear.


American soldiers protect more than just the ground we live on, they protect the idea that is America. The Greatness of America has been built on, measured by and weighed in blood in order to protect the freedoms we have. The soldiers of today are the gladiators of yesterday. Their arena is the world and their determination is stronger than steel.

For all the sacrifices you have made, this blog is for you. It's a forum designed with a single purpose in mind, to make sure that you are able to voice what you need to. This is also a place for your families to share about you. This is a place designed to honor all the struggles you and your families go through on a daily basis.

In order to post on this blog, all you have to do is send Joann Buchanan or Tami Snow a message via FB or email....

Tami Snow tamisnow@cox.net
Joann Buchanan jfuoss12@yahoo.com

We want to hear from you. This is your forum. It's offered with honor and respect for all that you sacrifice so that we may walk around in a country without fear.

On a personal note, I come from a military back ground. I was born on a base and served in the Navy years ago. My families heritage and service can be traced back for many generations. It was an honor to serve...Joann

Thank you for taking the time to share with us.

With love and honor,

Joann Buchanan and Tami Snow

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Reflections of a Delirious Mind

Fever
skin hot
mind numb
what did you say?
I'm not sure.

The colors are bright
My body shakes
The light is made of daggers
What did you say?
I'm not sure.

Twisting
Turning
All in knots
Life is here and then it's gone
My daughter speaks.
What did she say?
I'm not sure

I wake up in the bathroom.
How did I get here?
I walk to the bedroom and fall into bed.
My man asks me a question.
What did he say?
I'm not sure.

Tossing
Turning
hot and cold.
Body aches and
fevers turn
a simple conversation to
a war or maybe a dream.
What did they say?
I'm not sure.

Irrational thoughts are rational.
Dreams are nightmares and
voices echo.
What did they say?
I will never know.
I will never be sure.

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On Being Sick

I think I have a small theme going in my life right now. First, my computer gets a virus. Then two of my children get sick and to top it off, I have been sick for the last week. For the most part I have felt lots and lots of pain as my body fought the infection from the flu off. My whole body shook and I spent more time in the bathroom than I ever want to.

To top it off, my eyes always swell when I'm sick so reading has been out of the question. I have been left with sleeping and watching tv. The thing is I hate daytime tv. As I write this, my eyes still hurt, but I just needed to get all this out. I miss writing and even more I missed reading this week. It's been terrible. Well, that's about all I have to say right now, my head hurts too much and my eyes feel like they are being hit with a bunch of tiny needles. At least I'm not in the bathroom right now. ha ha ha

I'll be glad when life gets back to normal. I don't like being sick, it's such a waste of time...lol...

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What do our children have to teach us?

My son is doing a paper titled, "What role does our generation have to play in the future?"

I know that we all remember having to write silly little papers like this when we were young. Reading through his notes, I realized that the generation we are raising are a lot smarter than we were as kids. They understand the way the world works at a younger age and they understand life is what you make it.

Here it is, a simple paper in which my son is tackling real life issues such as medical insurance and descussing war. The whole thing took me off guard and made me realize my son is growing up and notices more than I would have thought. If a person with such an innocent mind who has only been given love and understanding is able to see the world for what it really is and what it really can become, then why is it the rest of us can't seem to get it?

It is only through his courage of conviction and strength of character that he is able to come up with ideas that will make a world of difference to most of mainstream society. This is something I'm proud of and hope that he is able to make his voice heard. I love that he has his own unique views. What a great thing that is.

I want to apologize if this blog doesn't make any since. I have been sick lately. Just the flu, but it has made my life a living hell over the last couple days.

Thank you all and when Josh's paper is graded, I plan on posting it.

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OMG I HATE COMPUTER VIRUSES

Over the course of the last few weeks, I have been offline because a computer virus ransacked my computer. The total cost to fix my computer was $200.00. I don't know about you, but for me that's a large sum of money to come up with. It meant sacrificing a lot of different things, including being late on the electric bill by two days. That is something I didn't like having to do, but in order to get things back to some semblance of normalcy it had to be done. The people who create these things have no idea that I have absolutely no bank account, or that I live payday to payday and don't have a single credit card. Then again, they don't care. All they want is money and information. It is because of the people who write the viruses that I am sitting here today with a little more knowledge about how things work in the digital world.

This virus also put me behind on deadlines, the three blogs I work on and it made me late on getting short stories done on time. There isn't a delicate way to put this-so I'm going to ask that you bare with me for a moment while I complain about those who are smart enough to create things like this and ask a single question. Why can't you use this knowledge and intelligence for something good that could maybe help others in this world? Why do those who are able to create things like this always go for the uses that harm rather than do good? In the long run, you gain nothing and instead of creating something you destroy. This is how I feel about those who create computer viruses. To those who create computer viruses, get a life and stop trying to steal what others have worked soooo hard to earn in their lives!!!

On to a better topic...it feels good to be back...I'm sooo happy to have my computer up and running again and I have TONS of work to do!!! Still, I look forward to once again hearing from all of you...hugs and love to all.

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Honesty and Fear

"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster" Fredrich Nietzche

Can a person be too honest? At what point does honesty become just another form of resentment and an expression of discontent that spreads negativity?

While living in denial doesn't seem to work- we can't seem to face the truth as to what is going on, it seems that telling everyone everything does nothing but breed more discontentment and once again placing you in a state of denial because you think your being honest when really you're expressing anger.

In one way or another, we are all on a path of self discovery. Expression of anger is a natural thing that should not be taken light. It's a normal human emotion like love and laughter. The difference is, expressing anger should be directed towards what we are angry about. If your upset with a friend, why not say something to them?

I know this answer all too well. It's because of fear. Fear that we may hurt them, of the retaliation and even of losing that person as a friend. I have been discovering that approaching a friend with a legitimate concern is the best approach, as long as it's the right way. Approaching a friend with a concern and asking a question without blame is the best way to do it. It alleviates any pressure and pain it may cause the other person. It also allows for an open and honest conversation with that person. It also takes assumption out of the loop and doesn't let feelings of resentment enter because of our own insecurities.

Fear is a trigger for a lot of our everyday responses. If allowed it will dictate how we conduct ourselves and even how we approach good things that happen in or lives. Fear/honesty, two different sides of the same coin. WHAT?? I bet is what you're asking right now...lol...

It's like this, honesty, while it is a good thing and is always the best policy. If we aren't living in denial and really just using it to express anger- is one side of the coin. It dictates our lives on every level.
Fear, the other side of the coin also dictates our lives if it is allowed. Fear also leads to denial and can enter or lives at every level. In this way, fear and honesty are the same.

If we are really trying to make a difference in our lives, then we must recognize when we are being dictated by fear or honesty. We must see past it and not become the very thing we are afraid of or are in denial of.

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You never know what life will bring!!!

I have been blown away by the respose to my blog, novel and just over all, everything. There is a whole list of people I am so thankful to have in my life. They have all made me feel like I soar through the clouds. That's a good thing, since that's where my mind is...he he he

I know I have a loooong ways to go before I'm where I want to be. That's ok though, because I have never had so much support in my life as I have with all of you and my family. In no particular order, I would like to thank the following people.

James Weil, whose novel Swiss Chocolate is coming out soon. I will be making an annoucement on the day his book comes out!!  Has been hard at work, editing my novel I AM WOLF, and pushing me harder than anyone ever has in my life. Thank you for that!!!

Rachel Cook, whose inspirational wisdom has inspired, Chaos and the Beltane. Thank you for always being a good friend.

Abigail Madison, Whose sweet voice captured my heart from the moment I read her blog....thank you for always reading my stories even when they needed serious help...smiles...

Jeanne Sampson, a girlfriend who is my confidant and my voice of reason. I don't know how many times I have sent messages to you going on and on about everyrthing and nothing.

Chamein Canton, my agent..a person who has given me a chance to win a ticket to the show...smiles...thank you...smiles...

Tami Snow, whose always supportive and just as nervous as I am when it comes to posting our little creations...lol...Thank you for being a GREAT partner on Slaves to the Muse.

Chris Bennett, who seems to be able to read my mind..lol...we are cosmically connected...smiles...

Chantell Alarcon, my rock, my sister and always my guide. I love you girl!!

Bryce Main, who is always such a positive influence. Thank you for that...smiles..hugs...

Last but not least, John Buchanan. You are the other half of myself. I don't know what I would do if you weren't there driving me forward everyday. Making you proud and our family proud is what keeps me going. I love you always...

I bet your wondering why I'm thanking these people on this day as if I had won an academy award. The answer is simple. I have been looking at all the awesome things that have gone on in my life lately and it is because of their unwavering support that has made me believe that there really are dreams that come true. It just reinforces my belief that everything happens for a reason and meeting each of these people has touched my life in such a positive way, I will never be able to repay that no matter what I do. We all have a circle of friends and family...well, this one is mine. I'm thankful for each of them...hugs to all...smiles...

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