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Friday, April 15, 2011

Feeling Introverted: One Writer's Journey

My novel, I AM WOLF has now been requested by St. Martins and Farrar, Straus and Giroux. That's awesome. You would think I would jump up and down for joy at the prospect of my novel being out at 6 major houses total. The truth is that I'm nervous as hell. There are so many things that go through my mind when I'm told it has been requested.

What if they don't like it? What if they do like it? What happens if I don't do ...yadda yadda yadda? What happens if I do?

There seems to me that there is more pressure in the whole business of writing than there is in the art of writing. I mean when you think about it, we are sharing a part of ourselves and those who hold the golden tickets are much like the masters of fates. They are the rulers of destiny. They are the ones who get to say you are just not good enough.

What happens to the dream when you're told that? I feel like I want to jump up and down while at the same time I want to shout from the tops of the mountains...what more do you want?? What more can I do?? What more can I write and when oh when are you going to tell me the one thing I need to know??

It all sounded so easy when I first started. Oh how niave I was. The thought of putting words down to paper for others to read and hopefully love seemed like the coolest thing in the world to me. The thing is, it still does. I can't help it. I want that golden ticket to the show like everyone else and I want to see the show. I don't know if they are going to like what I wrote. I don't know if they are going to feel what I felt when I wrote it. What I do know is they asked to see it. That in and of itself is a feat that I attained.

I can't really complain. Though I do wish I had a crystal ball and maybe a magic wand. But, in the words of my agent, "My wand is in the shop for repairs."

So it seems I'm in the middle of waiting. Much like the rest of those who have let out blood, sweat and tears over the art of writing, I wait. There is no shame in that. Shame only comes in the form of giving up. That is something I can't do. What would that say to all the people who have had faith in me from the beginning? It would be a slap in the face. That's what it would be.

Am I happy about it? Yes,of course I'm over joyed. Am I nervous? You better believe it. Either way, the ride has been fun and I'm having a blast. I love the story I've created so much I wrote a second book and am now working on the third. So yes, I love what I'm doing. Still, a little answer from a crystal ball or one of the companies would be nice. I should rephrase that. A positive answer from one of the companies would be nice. (be careful what you wish for.)

In truth, I can't imagine doing anything other than what I do. I love my radio show and I love writing. Who could ask for a better life than that? I have a great family, great friends, and I'm doing what I love. OMG, how blesssed I am. So no, there are no complaints, just nerves pecking away on my skin. It could be worse.

I hope you all tune into the show tomorrow. I have an amazing announcement. Huge hugs and much love to all of you.


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