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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

This is a DIGG test

Friday, August 27, 2010

Celebrate Our Differences

I've been reading a lot of articles lately that have made me think, "What were they thinking?"
A man was arrested for holding a woman against her will after he bailed her out of jail. The man made her do sexual favors and clean up after him in return for bailing her out.

A Florida minister, plans on burning copies of the Koran on 9/11. He says it's to comemorate 9/11. I say it's to get free PR for his novel about hatred.

The point to these stories, THEY ARE ALL REAL!! As scary as it is to think about, they are living among us with little regard to anyone around them.

Since when is it ok in the country to own a slave, and pretend we are part of some sort of new Nazi regime? I really thought we were past things like this. With that being said, it only takes a small spark to spread both love and hate. It's a shame people are choosing to put eachother down instead of lifting up one another. We should all celebrate the things that make us different and unique. We aren't going to walk around like shiny happy people, but stopping the hatred before it spreads even more would be a good start.

Why is it, everyone seems to want to tell you how to live your life as appose to paying attention to their own? We all have flaws and make poor choices. We all have good things about us and make good choices. Why not celebrate those things that make us individuals. Just imagine how this world would be if we were to all look the same, dress the same, think the same. Gone would be the great creative minds that make life fun. The inventors of tomorrow would no longer come up with the things that make life easier.

As you can see, it's something I'm passionate about. Let's all celebrate who we are as people.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Surreal Moments

      What is a surreal moment? When is something so wonderful that it makes you think, "Wow, is this really happening to me?" Yeah, that would describe my life in the last couple weeks. I have often wondered what I would do if I ever had a moment like that.

      I froze for a minute. That's what I did when I read the following words. "I'm sending you a contract, print it out and sign both copies and mail them to the address provided." I had an agent. Yeah, I froze. I didn't know if I was dreaming or if it was real.

      Those moments only come around a couple times maybe a few more. The thing I learned is yes, it's real. What an amazing feeling that is. For me, I couldn't move. I just sat in my chair staring at the screen reading it over and over again. to make sure I was reading it right, I read it out loud. Not once, not twice, but three times. Then, when I was sure I read that right. I raced out of the house to tell my fiance' about it. It has been a week and I'm still feeling like all if it is surreal. It's all a dream. holy cow what a dream it is...I'll take this ride anytime.

      That single contract is a chance to get a ticket to the show. What a trip that's going to be...there isn't any standing in line. It's just a ticket. A validation that says I was here. I did it. I made it. I existed. What an amazing thing that is going to feel like. No matter what, the ticket to the show is where we all want to be. It doesn't even have to be a golden ticket, just a ticket with my name on it. What a day...that's it...what a day...smiles...

Friday, August 20, 2010

      There are no more excuses left for me. I realized that last night when I was working on my novel. I have been signed by an agent...there are no more excuses left. I had to say that again, because for the first time in my life, it's true. I find that somewhat strange because there is always something that would get in the way of what I'm trying to accomplish. But, here it is...the key to the door I have been trying to step through for years.

      I have to say it's a freeing experience, the lack of excuses. I feel like I have stepped out of the shadow and let the light shine. My light. My heart. My work. Another strange strange thing is this, it's'm always the one who is congratulating those around me. I'm genuinely happy for all my friends who have accomplished what they set out to do. For the first time in my life, I'm the one being congratulated for something I set out to do. When I posted on FB about being signed, I was overwhelmed by the response of congratulatory statements. I really didn't know what to think or how to feel accept to say thank you to everyone. The whole experience has been surreal. Have I stepped into another person's body through some strange experiment? Did someone change the programming in the Matrix? These are all logical questions in my

      There are no more excuses left, and I have to say this. Try putting the excuses aside today. Do it for one day. You can't imagine what a freeing experience it is. Life has a way of taking you where you are suppose to be. You may make choices that lead elsewhere, but life will get you there eventually, no matter what you do. My whole life is a testament to that.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

A Single Moment

      What a week I'm having...OMG!!! Ok well this whole blog has been about a single moment. I had one yesterday. It's something that is going to change my life as I know it. I just don't know how yet. I was signed by an agent yesterday. Her name is Chamein Canton. I have been on cloud nine since this moment happened.

      I have to tell you though, when I tried telling my family and friends, they didn't know what that meant. They asked how much money I was going to make from my novel. I laughed a little about this. I mean who can blame them really. For the most part, those who don't write and research don't understand all the hoops you have to jump through to get in black and white. That's ok though, because my mom and dad are proud and my sister couldn't be more excited. The truth is all of this is so surreal for me. It feels a lot like one of those interviews when you hear, "I was walking around the store and this casting director came up to me and now here I am."  That's what I feel like right now. I won a ticket to the show. What an awesome thing that is!!!!

      All of this is thanks to a fellow writer named James Weil. He has written a novel called Swiss Chocolate. It's slated to be out in a couple weeks. It's a wonderful story about the life of a boy who grows into manhood and all he went through to get there. I read the first chapter and was blown away by it. Immediately, I'm rooting for the boy with the distant father and mother who is too far gone to care. The first chapter made me laugh and cry at the same time. You have to check it out...smiles...

      As I was saying, James believed in me. He even believed in me during times when I had no idea what I was, here it is, the single moment; I was signed by an agent. I know I have said it twice, but I can't help it. I'm so excited by it and saying it makes it real...smiles....hugs...

      This goes to show, no matter what you dream about in life, you can achieve it. All it takes is persistence and never giving up. EVER!!!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

A Single Moment

      I'm sitting here right now, wondering what I'm going to write. For the most part, this blog has been about the single moments that change our lives. What about the places that change them? Is there a such thing as a place that changes your life?

      When I was a kid, I used to go to a place called Balboa Park in San Diego just to walk around. You may be thinking this park was just a park. In all actuality, this park was like a miniature renaissance fair. There were fortune tellers, jugglers, musicians and even artists roaming the park on a daily basis. You never knew who or what you would run into. The creative vibes always flowed through the park without fear or hesitation.  When I first went there, I had this idea that anything creative was a waste of my time and energy. This is because I was raised believing that you had to be practical in life in order to make it. The thing is, this mold didn't always fit me. I was impulsive and leaped before I looked. I liked not knowing what was coming next. I enjoyed writing and listening to my muse. I didn't like sitting in the class rooms and listening to some boring teacher talk about all the wonderful applications of math or things like that.

      While I was at the park one day, I struck up a conversation with a woman who was a psychic. At the time, I didn't know she was a psychic. She was sitting on the ground with her legs crossed and a kid tried to take her purse. By accident, I managed to trip him. I don't know how because all I did was turn around at the right time. He dropped her purse and I took it back to her. I sat there for a while talking to her about life, love and the future. Funny thing is this, I had never spoke about any of this to anyone. She told me that my life would be free when I decided to follow my path. Being the kid I was, I shrugged it off and thanked her for the conversation.

       It wasn't until much later that I recalled her words. I have to say that she was correct. When I stopped fighting and making plans, and just went with the flow of life, it eased up on me enough to see what I needed to do for me.

      There are those who would say that's not the way to live. You know, going with the flow of it all. For those who say that, I say this: Life happens when you're busy planning. The thing is, for me, making plans never seemed to work. Outside forces beyond my control always managed to step in and flush the plans I had. The day I stopped making plans was the day I was free to do what I wanted. It was the day I decided to write my first novel. I didn't know where it would take me or even how far into the journey I was going to get, but that didn't matter. What mattered was for the first time in my life, I felt like I was doing what I was meant to do. That novel is now sitting in a disk, completed. It was the proof I needed to see that I could do this. Now all I needed were the tools.

      The tools are important in anything you plan on doing. I already loved reading, so now I had to practice writing. It has taken years of practice to get to the point I'm at now. I still mess up on the grammar, but the flow of the story is good. I'll take that any day. I don't know about anyone else, but, when I decided to do what I wanted, this whole other world opened up to me. The question remains: Can a place change your life?

      The following was sent to me by Fred Everson. It's about a place that changed his life and the lives of his friends.

      ‎34 years ago I'm in this bar. The head bouncer recognizes my tall friend as a former student from grammar school and hires him as a bouncer. We rent a house on the Jersey shore, both get hired eventually, make a bunch of new friends, and marry girlfriends met in the bars. That night changed a lot of lives. The Sea Girt Inn is long gone, but everybody who ever worked there, or partied there has never forgotten.

      I have to say that yes, a place can change your life. Conversations that are held with people sometimes are brought up in the future. Advice is given when we least expect it when we are where we are suppose to be. The universe has a way of guiding us to where we are suppose to be. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I believe everything happens for a reason. If I hadn't turned around at the right moment, I never would have had that conversation with the nice lady and she wouldn't have told me not to fight my own path.

      Thank you Fred or sharing a place in your life that changed it for the better. I think we all have places like that. Hmmm, I feel another topic coming

Monday, August 16, 2010

A Single Moment

      What an adventure this weekend was!! I was without my Internet connection all weekend and it drove me CRAZY!!! I'm so happy to be back on.

      As you know, on Mondays I'm doing a book review. The novel I would like to talk about is called Rogues By Denyse' Bridger.

Rogues is a compilation of three short stories.

The first, Angel Fire is about a pirate named Jack Stanton. He is bold and beautiful and has a somewhat tarnished reputation. I can't tell you more than that without giving too much away. This story is a sexy blend of fun and fantasy.

The second story is called Storm- Singer. This is a vampire story. A mythical island called Nyx is the setting for this compelling story about a Princess who is sent to take back what belongs to her people. She is a hero, bold beautiful and full of spunk. I love that the hero of the story is a woman. That makes it more fun for me to read.

The third story is called Phantom's Lair:  Katheryn Hollinsworth is determined to choose her own path, and follow her heart. When she meets a man known only as The Phantom, she falls in love. Will she ever be able to take her future back or will she always be left tarnished by the love she has in her heart?  Once again, Denyse' shows that women are beautiful, strong, sexy beings with an amazing capacity for love and forgiveness.

I love her writing. She has this amazing ability to whisk you away into another time and place. She isn't afraid to make her female characters the herons and gives them all great depth and longing to be their own women and live their lives the way they choose. Her descriptions take you away and make you feel like you are there. I strongly recommend picking up Rogues...three love stories that will take you into different passionate worlds.


      This weekend I lost my Internet connection through no fault of my own. I felt lost without being able to work on my blog and chatting with my friends. A good think did come out of it though. I was able to spend a lot of time writing. I didn't have my music, but still, the characters I have been creating took me away on a GREAT adventure!! I have said it before and I'll say it again, I love writing. It also gave me time to do a little reading. I checked out the latest Terry Brooks novel. I can't wait to read it and review it on here too....smiles...

      This blog has been changing my life and everything I think about when it comes to life. For today, I'm going to hold off on a "Single Moment" that was sent in and post one of my own.

      As you all know, or for those who don't. I have been looking for a job. Recently a post opened up as a TA at the local school system. It is perfect. It's just what I've been looking for. I'm so excited by the prospect for this new position. Please pray for me and hope I get the position. It has good benefits, and since it is in the school system, I don't have to worry about daycare for the kids when it's vacation time. It is the possibility of something better. That is why I have been doing everything. Just for the possibility. I will keep you posted on the out come. Thank you sooo much for joining me on this adventure....smiles...

Friday, August 13, 2010

A Single Moment

     What is it that we see when we look at people? What is the first thing you notice when you meet someone? Is it the hair or maybe it's what they're wearing? When I meet someone for the first time, I notice their eyes first. You can see a lot about a person when you look into their eyes. There is a wide range of emotions that comes from it. If you really want to know a person, you look into their eyes.

      Once in a while, I go to Ala non meetings for a little support and to give a little support to those who need it. When it's a birthday meeting the Ala non group and the AA group comes together to celebrate individuals sobriety. It's really a wonderful support system for those who need it. A new person came into the meeting that night. It was one of the few times a person instantly gave me the chills. I looked into his eyes and could hate and anger. It was hidden behind the fake smile he gave the group. Two weeks later the man was arrested for spousal abuse and attempted man slaughter. She was so injured, and beaten so bad that they rushed her to a bigger hospital. I went there to visit her. I brought her magazines and pictures of her children which she couldn't look at because her face was so bruised her eyes were swollen shut. I hated being right about the man. She is now recovered, but she is still skittish when it comes to men. What he took from her was more than just a loss of control. He stole her ability to trust herself.

      That ability to trust yourself is one of the most instincts we have as people. It's a little voice in their heads or a feeling in your stomach that says stop, don't do that; somethings coming. It's an instinct we are all born with. The ability to trust yourself is at its purest when you're a child. I always watch my little ones reactions to people when they are first introduced. They always see the truth.

The following was sent to me by a woman named Angela Morrell Arnold. I have had several conversations with her. She is a wonderful person with a heart of gold. I have a hard time seeing anything mean coming from her.

Angela Morrell Arnold

In 1996, my daughter, her boyfriend & I use to go to Salt Lake to visit her boyfriends sister & brother-in-law. The Apartment manager lived across the hall & I thought he was scary. One visit, my daughter was giving me a tattoo on my boob (yep!). She couldn't get the shading to where she was happy with it. The told us to go across the hall to "scary" Mark. I normally would have stayed away! I got a happy giddy feeling, went over, got his advice. I have a beautiful tattoo and Mark & I were married 6 weeks later! Glad I followed that instinct!

      When you really look into someones eyes, and trust your own instincts, wonderful things happen. If someone takes that ability, it takes a part of a their soul. It causes self doubt and feelings of worthlessness. There is enough in this world that causes that without us doing it to one another. When I look into someones eyes, I really look, I trust my gut and go with it. I prey everyday that my friend will be able to do that again one day. She deserves to be happy and more than anything, she deserves to have her trust in herself. We all deserve that.

      Like I said earlier, I look into the eyes first. I trust my gut when it comes to what I see. Always follow your gut. There is a reason you feel what you feel. Oh how different my life would be today, if I had only trusted myself.  With time, comes wisdom, mistakes are made, lessons are learned. They will be fewer if you trust your gut!!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

A Single Moment

      YES!!! Before I get started, I wanted to tell you about how close I am to finishing the bones of I AM WOLF. It is such an awesome thing to know that I have created something like this. I have posted the first chapter to it on a page under "My Projects". I have received GREAT comments on my Fb wall and people are even sharing it on their wall. What an honor that is.

      So, now onto the blog.

      When I was a child, I would get in trouble all the time. With that trouble came the punishment, grounding without tv and radio. Those who remember the days without video games will understand how terrible this was for me. Oh My God how was I ever going to spend my time. No tv, no radio and absolutely NO going outside. I have to thank my parents for this one. Out of those groundings, and believe me there were a lot of them, came my love of reading and passion for writing. Here I am today, working on my third novel. What a thrill that is. There are two novels that will forever collect dust. I don't know what to say about them accept they are practice. That's what it takes to make it in any business, lots and lots and lots of practice.

      I bet your wondering why I chose this topic today, you know, since I wrote about writing a few weeks ago. It's simple really. The following story was sent in by my friend, and now partner on a new blog called Slaves to the Muse. She is a fellow writer who bring passion to her work. I look forward to working with her on this venture.

Tami Snow

 Ok then. Another one of my "eureka" moments is when I finished my first novel. I never thought in a million years that I could write something so extensive. And I certainly never thought I could write for a living. It was always something I... did for enjoyment or to release pent up energy. It's sort of ironic in that I always professed that I would never partake in an occupation that I'd have to perch myself behind a computer screen for a career. Now there is nothing I'd rather do for a living. The intense feeling of gratification I feel creating worlds is like no other. I highly recommend it!

      The point to all this is simple. If you have a dream, go for it. Don't let you hold you back. I really believe there isn't an excuse to doing what you love to do. We all have excuses. "I don't have time." I have to work." "The kids need me." I don't have the money."

      Well, it's time to stop with the excuses and just do it. I didn't have a computer for the longest time because of a house fire. I still wrote though. I did it because I wanted to maintain my growth. Granted, no one could read my journal to save their lives, but, I can; and that's all that matters.

      I write because I love it. I create whole worlds just because I can. After all the only person who says I can't that would be right, would be me.

Thank you Tami Snow for sharing with me and for asking me to be your partner on our future endeavour. You always amaze me as a fellow artist...smiles...hugs...

Remember, for those who are reading this, live by this credo: Above all else, entertain.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

A Single Moment

      Sisters. They are always there when you need them. They are your best friend and most important confidante. Who listens to you ramble about everything and nothing and listens to all your fears without judging you? For me, it's my sister Chantell. She is my little sister, but I swear she has an old soul. When I need advice, I turn to her first. She is always able to see things farther along the path then I am and her advice is always right on the spot. When she isn't sure of something, she researches it like a mad woman. When she sets her mind on something, it happens. I don't know about you, but my sister Chantell is one of the most important people in my life.

      My other sister is named Natashia. She is a beautiful young woman. She is our baby sister. I often feel like I'm watching out for her, even when she doesn't need it. Natashia is a single mom. I know what that's like. It makes it hard to go through life at times. However, she is able to make it all look so easy. Both of my sisters are my best friends. They are part of my soul and everything I am. Without them, I'm not sure I would have had the courage to do make it through everything that has happened in my life. What a GREAT joy they are.

The following was sent by a friend of mine named Jean Johnson. She is an amazing woman. Her strength is awesome.

Jean Johnson

I remember so well. Just as it was yesterday, the very first time I saw my lifelong friend. She was always taller than me. Braver than me,sort of a dare devil. We were four and five years old when we first met. I'm eleven months older than ...her. We would sit on the bed and combed each others hair and till this day, we do the same thing. We were always so close,closer than sisters. We have never had a disagreement,

we except each other for who the other one is.If someone hurts one,they have hurt us both.She moved two hours away from me to take a higher paying job ten years ago and we got so busy we did not get to see each other or talk much,maybe once a month,we'd catch up on the phone. About two years ago she called me and I knew right away something wasn't right, I could tell it in her voice. She told me she had to have surgery and it was cancer,the worst kind, lymphoma. I panicked...she was trying to calm me down...I remember saying...What am I going to do if I lose you? You're the only person on earth that truly understands me and knows me. I was crying so hard I was choking. Yes, I sounded so selfish,but she was there for me, just as we both had always been for each other and excepted each others weaknesses and strength. Remember,she is the bravest one. She had her surgery and went through her treatments. She smiled,while I cried and worried myself ragged. This moment taught me to never let one single day go by and take it for granted. I call her everyday or she calls me. We visit each other often. She has been cancer free for two years and it's been the best two years of our lives. I love her so and I know what she'd say if you ask her if she loves. Of course I do! She's my sister.
I know how she feels about here sister. If anything happened to either of my sisters, I would be lost. Thank you Jean for sharing about your sister. Sisters are the best people in the world!!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

A Single Moment

      Mind over matter. Seems like such a simple phrase, doesn't it? Just three little words. By itself it says I'm stronger than what I'm living through. Can mind over matter change a person's life? Can it go to the point of saving a person's life? What a powerful concept that is!! The power of the mind can do many things that science can't explain. We as human beings are still in the infant stages of understanding the power of the mind. At least from a scientific point of view. What about the spiritual point of view? Those who believe in the awe inspiring power of some being larger and greater then ourselves, are able to say that through him or her, all things are possible.

      The following was sent to me by a fellow blogger and a very good friend of mine. Her name is Rachel Cook. Her blog is in my links, it's called Tarot By Rachel. I read it all the time. Her wisdom is amazing and for some reason she always seems to touch on something I'm going through at that moment. Could it be that she is channeling me at that moment...I don't know. What I do know is her story is one of such strength, that it deserves to be shared. If this doesn't inspire you to go on no matter what, I'm not sure anything can.


      After years of suffering with sinus trouble, I finally decided to take the plunge and seek out relief through sinus surgery. In a single day I had three surgeries which straightened my septum, cleared my sinuses and removed my tonsils. What was supposed to be a 2.5 hour surgery ended up being 5 hours, because the inside of my sinuses and throat were, as my doctor described them, "Worse than Kuwait." Thankfully I had worked for my job long enough to not only have great health coverage, but my time off from work was also covered under FMLA.

      Less than six weeks after this surgery, I came down with a horrible illness. Every time I stood up I would become dizzy and nauseated, I was very fatigued and had no energy, this went on for days. I went to the doctor and was told I had a stomach flu, after being given some meds to make me more comfortable I was sent home to rest. Some days went by and I was getting worse, not better. It was frightening to be so ill, not just because I was missing quite a bit of work (thankfully covered by FMLA also) but also because I was living alone and didn't have the energy to walk from one room in my tiny apartment, let alone walk my dog to the end of the block. I returned to the doctor and he grew concerned at the deterioration of my condition, the swollen size of my lymph nodes and a host of other symptoms he found troubling. He decided to draw some blood, thinking I was dehydrated. What I didn't expect was over the course of the next three weeks I would find myself being tested for multiple forms of cancer and quarantined due to an alarming lack of white blood cells. In short, my body was shutting down, not healing itself and growing weaker with each new pathogen I encountered.

      Throughout all of this, it was noted that my thyroid was enlarged, but this was considered a secondary concern next to my veritably absent immune system.

      My doctor was troubled by all of this and scheduled an appointment with an oncologist so I could undergo more tests for various blood cancers, his thought was that perhaps I had contracted a very rare form of leukemia. The nurse at the cancer center drew six phials of blood, and moments before I was prepped for a bone marrow biopsy, the blood specialist met with me to say that although my white blood cell count was low, it was on the threshold of "normal" and whatever had caused my immune system to shut down for three weeks appeared to be on its way out. Of course my doctor was still concerned about my enlarged thyroid and once I was given the all-clear to return to work, I was scheduled to met with yet another specialist, this time an endocrinologist.

      As it turned out, over the years (no one really knows how long) I had contracted Graves disease (an overactive thyroid), which then caused my thyroid to become cancerous. I'd spent so many years suffering from sinus trouble that any additional ills brought on by thyroid trouble (believe me, there are more than I can mention here) were completely lost on me. This probably would have never been discovered had I not become so ill from a mysterious virus. Within a few months of becoming sick to the point of quarantine, I was quarantined once again, this time to undergo chemotherapy and radiation treatment to obliterate my cancerous thyroid. I'm proud to say that I've been Cancer free for over a year now. Even though I will have to take synthetic thyroid hormones for the remainder of my life and have blood drawn every six weeks, I'm glad to do it. Because I know what it is to feel sick and utterly helpless, and I know it's not a feeling I ever want to experience again.

      Which of these days equate to "that single moment"? All of them, each time I said to myself, "I refuse to go on being sick." .

      I'm going to repeat her last phrase: "I refuse to go on being sick."
     For the argument about mind over matter, I have to say that yes, it can save a life. The power of positive thinking is such an amzing thing. It changes lives everyday. It makes you climb to new heights and even gives you a second chance. A single moment is all it takes to think, "I refuse to go on like this." It's at that point in life, where you have decided to make a commitment to yourself. What an amazing moment that is. Though it was a doctor that saved Rachel's life, it was actually her positive spirit and will not to give in that made it possible. I know for me, the next time I think my life sucks, I'm going to remember Rachel. Her story has changed my life. Thank you Rachel for everything...smiles...hugs...

Monday, August 9, 2010

A Single Moment

       As you know, the first part of my blog on Monday's is about a novel I've read. The one I'm going to talk about today is HOST by Stephanie Myers. I'm sure by now, everyone knows who Stephanie Myers is. She is the writer of the Twilight Saga.
       The novel Host came out before Twilight. I have read all of her novels that are out so far and to me, this one is by far one of her best. It's a love triangle with a twist. One of the characters involved in the love triangle is a parasite, named Wanderer, that has taken over the body of a female named Melanie, who has no intentions of going away peacefully. Melanie fills the Wanderer's mind with visions of the man she is in love with named Jared. As time goes on, Wanderer is filled with a human desire to see her lover and feel his touch again.

      This is such a cool take on the love triangle. It shows the power of love and all that the human spirit is willing to go through in order to make love happen again. The fact that it's told through the eyes of the alien parasite named Wanderer, makes it an even more riveting tale. You want end up wanting them all to make it, even though you know it means one of them will have to die. Stephanie Myers told a GREAT love story...smiles...

      The story I have talked about is also about Balance. The balance between good and evil and the grey in between no one ever talks about. For the most part, I think we live in the grey area. We don't always do what is right, but we aren't always wrong either. We make the bones of our everyday life and fill it in as we go along. What would we do without the balance? If we were all good, how would we know we have it good?  How would we know to cherish those moments in life that make it all worth living. How would we even know when something was wrong? Without the grey, would we all walk around like shiny happy people who are in serious need of a slap in the face?

      The following two moments were sent to me by two different people.

Lisa Fitzpatrick

The moment I realised that the man I'd run to when my life went to crap, had actually *caused* said crap. That's when I knew I could only rely on myself.
Sad, but true. And I'm ok with that. 

For those of you who don't know Lisa, then you're missing out. She is one of the funniest, smartest and most beautiful women out there. Her strength is amazing.

Jessi Wilson Larie

When my friends and family stepped in to help me out after I had refused any help and ended up in the hospital with stress related symptoms. I came home to see they had all stepped in to help me out with house work and kids and even paid my rent. Though no one has fessed up to it. I realized I was not invincible, and I... did matter to people. I love you all ( you know who you are!)

Jessi is also a very good friend of mine. She is one of those people who knows when something is wrong even when you don't say it. Her intuition is so right on every time, it blows my mind. Her heart is bigger than probably anyone you know.

      The point to both of these is simply this, we all live in the grey. We aren't all good nor all bad. These two women came to a different side to a single coin. Neither side was good or bad. In fact, I'm sure it's all grey. At the end of the day. When all is said and done, if we are able to sleep good, then the grey we live in is more light then we realize. Who we are as people and how we treat each other is what matters most. To live in the grey is actually a good thing. It's where we all are...most of the time.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

A Single Moment

      Can a dream change your life? That's a question that I wonder a lot about.

      When I was a kid, I used to pretend that I was really a princess who was lost. I did this when my sister and I would get in a fight and I would end up being the one to get in trouble. I was sure the reason was because I didn't really belong there and that there was a huge castle with people looking for me. I imagined a whole kingdom was sad because I was gone.

      As I grew up, that dream faded along with a lot of the other thoughts I had for my life. I still had dreams about what I wanted to do with my life, they just no longer involved being a princess. I accepted my fate. For the longest time I was sure that meant I had to take what I was given and swallow it. It didn't matter that I wanted to sky dive or climb a mountain. As life continued, it didn't matter what I put out there, I was doomed not to succeed. I was destined to be with a man who was abusive, someone who lied to me all the time and no matter what: I was destined to not succeed in anything I tried to do.

      All that changed one night. I had a dream. Oddly enough, I dreamt I was talking to Biggie Smalls AKA the Notorious B.I.G. I don't know why. I wasn't even a huge fan of his. When he was alive I was too busy being a punk rock kid, annoying my parents and coming home late. I didn't start listening to his music until a couple years ago. What a shame someone took that big hearted man away.  But what he said to me changed the way I viewed things. He told me that I wasn't finished yet and that I needed to keep going and I was on the right path. I was just beginning to write the novel I'm working on now. I spoke with a friend of mine about this. She said that it was a message from beyond. Truth be told, I don't know if that's true. What I do know is this, It changed the way I viewed everything I had tried in my life. It made me believe that everything I had been through in life lead me to this point. It made me start to believe again.

      Belief in yourself is something that is needed to accomplish anything in life. How can you give your kids the confidence they need to make it in life if you don't believe in yourself? The simplest answer is you can't.  I love that my kids know I'm trying to get published. I love knowing they are seeing that I'm not giving up, no matter what. Believe. See it. Know it. Live it. It's not always easy, but it is possible.

      The following is a story shared by a friend of mine named Tessa Schlesinger

      Dreams change me... 2 1/2 decades ago, I used to dream of snakes every single night. I did so for years. Then, one day I heard a broadcast on how Carl Jung interpreted dreams. Using the same method, I interpreted my snake nightmare. Turned out I was petrified of people. I decided to shoot the snakes in my dreams - and ...I did. I lost my fear of people. That method helped me to conquer PTSD (Most South Africans my age have it.) and many other difficulties. Last night I had a yukky dream again, but using that interpretation method, I know what it means, and from years of experience, I know that the moment I understand the dream, the condition changes. When I understood what dreams were and how interpreting them accurately could change one's life forever, it was truly a moment that changed my life forever!

      The original question, Can a dream change your life? For me, I have to say yes. They are the reason some people shoot for the stars and keep going no matter what. They make life and imagination possible. What a wonderful thing dreams are...

Friday, August 6, 2010

A single moment is all it takes

      A single moment is all it takes to make a decision that will change your life. Really, that's it. Just make sure it's what you want. The closer I have gotten the finishing my novel the more nervous I have felt. It isn't something that I want to feel. It's an old habbit I'm trying to break.

      We all go through moments in our lives where we wonder, am I doing the right thing. Will it work out? Can I make it or am I just spinning my wheels? I know that for the last couple months I have been asking myself those same questions over and over again. I don't know why, or where they came from. I'm pretty sure it's caused from a fear of failure.

      I have been taking the advice of friends and been putting that out of my mind and focusing on the more positive. The facts are that I'm really getting GREAT feed back about what I'm writing both here on the blog and in my current novel. I have an awesome support system at home. A great family and group of friends who care enough about me to listen to me ramble on when I need to. I have to say that happens more often then anyone who reads this knows.

      When I start to question myself, I ask John what he thinks. He always tells me to stop wondering and finish. He believes in me. That's worth more to me than gold. I'm also lucky to have a couple friends whose whole heart is with me on this journey. They are my confidants and closest advisors. They have walked me through, almost holding my hand the whole way. It's all these people that are a gift to me. I can't thank them enough for listening and reading.

      Is it any wonder that I would feel a certain amount of fear because I don't want to diappoint these people? Thanks to the advice of a friend named Rachel, I no longer think about it in those terms of failure or success. I look at the whole journey and am thankful I'm able to do any of this at all. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks to the encouragement from John, my sister Chantell, and a dear friend named James, I have been able to keep writing with the knowledge that there are people who like what I'm doing and believe in me. Even when I didn't believe in myself.

      I know that I said the miracles event was over, but I want to say that for me, one of those small big miracles is the fact that these people have been put in my life. I don't question if they are coming from a place of honesty. They have been honest with me when I didn't want to hear it. I don't question their motives. They care because that's who they are. I'm so thankful for those people.

      I have been learning that belief in yourself starts with one choice. It's a single commitment that you make to yourself. For everyone it's a different thing. When you make that choice, and you follow it through, the universe finds a way to make sure that you have a support system right there to guide you along the path. For myself, the path is one that is filled with rejection, heartache and wonder. It is something I have been preparing my whole life for. For me, when it came time to make this decision, there was no other choice. It was just, do it. Make it work. Take all that I have learned and toss the chips.

      What more can a person ask for in life than a handful of friends and family whose love and devotion make it possible to seek out your dreams and make them happen?

Writing...My Favorite Passion

      I sit here everyday at the computer and write. I write this blog and I work on my novel I AM WOLF. I'm proud to say that it's on the final leg of the journey. At least,the bones are almost finished. I say that word a lot when I talk about my writing....Bones...

      Why do I do it? Why sit here pounding on the keyboard day after day, writing a novel and try to get into a business when I know there is a lot of rejection? I love it. It's a short answer I know, but it's the best one there is. I love to write. It takes me away to another world. My mind is always coming up with what if ideas. I have a whole file full of small paragraphs and observations. There is a section for names and even one that has a list of what ifs.

      When someone reads something I have written and says something about it, it makes my whole day. It means that someone took the time to get into my head for just a little while. When you have read what I have written, hopefully I was able to take you on an adventure full of life and love and even scared you a little. As long as you were entertained by what I have written, then I have done my job.

      One day I hope to be doing this for a living. I want to see my novel in black and white. I want to know that people have enjoyed it. Pushing it to the limit and not looking back, that's what I hope I've done. There is a lot of talent out there. Some who are noticed right off the bat and others who have to work hard to make it to the big leagues. I have written a total of three novels. I AM WOLF is my third. The other two are sitting on a disk somewhere collecting dust. I consider them practice.

      I have not now, nor will I ever come to the page light, without boldness or purpose. The blank page is a canvass that needs to be painted. It needs life and color through the characters that will live there. It is a world in need of creation. It calls my name like nothing else in the world has. That is why I do it. That's why I put the bones out there.

      I sit here at this keyboard everyday and I wonder what I'm going to write about on this blog, unsure that there is anyone who is going to see what I'm thinking about at that moment. That's ok though. It's something I love to do.

      I had the following conversation a lot of times with a lot of different people.

      "I'm thinking about writing."  He said.
      "Really, that's great. Have you ever written anything before?"  I ask.
      "No, but it looks like fun." he says.
      "It is. Who are your favorite writers?" I ask.
      "I don't really have time to read." He says.
      "Oh." I say.

      Stephen King wrote, if you don't have time to read, you don't have time to write.

      I have to say that I agree with him all the way. Writing takes practice. It takes a lot of time and effort. It takes a commitment and a personal willingness to not only put yourself out there, but a willingness to be rejected on every level. It takes an understanding that no matter what, you need to grow and learn from your past mistakes and move on to the next project. It isn't something that should ever be taken light.

      When I write, I push the boundaries. At least that's what I hope I'm doing. In I AM WOLF, I hope that I have written something that will not only entertain you the reader, but I'm hoping that it will make you cringe in some places and laugh in others. I hope that you will see the characters and feel the ringer I have put them through. I hope that you visit your dark side but root for the hero. When all is said and done, and the novel is read, I hope that I have entertained. Above all else, entertained. If I have done that, then I have done my job.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Laughter and Kids Equals Fun

      I took all the kids and a few of their friends to the thrift store today. It's something I like to do because I can give them all a couple dollars and they can look around and find little treasures they want and it doesn't cost me a lot of money.

      The kids wondered around and found a few items that were cute and they all had fun. The clothes this store puts out are always in good shape and most of the time you can find clothes with the tags on them. They usually have brand name things, all you have to do is look. It's set up like any department store. There is a kids section with adorable displays, a jewelry display case with some of the most beautiful pieces you have ever seen.

      The store has a women's section and a men's section. There is a small room that is full of books that is put together like a library. There is a chair in there to sit on while you search through the books that are all lined on the shelves that go from the ceiling to the floor. The room has that wonderful book smell. I'm pretty sure it's my favorite space there.

      I helped the kids look through the clothes and walked out with two bags of beautiful new used clothes along with a beautiful laced twin bedspread all for around fifteen dollars. I couldn't believe it. There are a lot of people who think it's below them to buy clothes from a place like that. They wouldn't think about going into a shop where everything has another person's history. I don't look at it like that. When I walk into that store, I'm greeted by friendly people. The money goes to help people who need it and to a missionary fund. I feel like I not only was able to contribute in assisting others, but I was also able to make my children and their friends happy. What more could I ask for?

      The sign of the times is more about how little money it takes to make a group of children happy. All it really takes is a little time and a lot of laughter.


Wednesday, August 4, 2010


      I have a friend who is going through somewhat of a crisis right now. He has written a novel that's based on his life. The novel looks like it's going to be a GREAT success. The problem he is having is that it is based on his family and they aren't very happy about it.

      Family, that single word is suppose encompass unconditional love. That I will always be there for you no matter what. The whole reason we are here is because of our family. I have been blessed with a wonderful family. They have supported me even when I myself didn't know what I was doing. They may have looked at me a little weird, or even not understood why I had to do some of the things I have done. At the end of the day though, they still loved me no matter what.

      My dad is a retired Navy man. Throughout his life he has always been a good example for me. He may have made a few mistakes with me, but so far as I know, he didn't. I'm pretty sure he is one of the wisest men I know, and so far he has not been wrong. Though he would humbly disagree. Even though he has no idea what entails writing a novel and trying to get the word out, he supports me with it all the way. I'm sure that he wonders once in a while what the hell I was thinking when I decided to do this. After all, it isn't a normal 9 to 5 kind of job. It's one of those risk it all and let the chips fall where they may sort of things. He isn't really a big fan of those. Still though, at the end of the day, no matter what, he supports me and loves me.

      My mom is the same way. She is mother earth incarnated in human form. By that I mean that she is able to grow anything, anywhere at anytime. I have seen her bring plants back to life when they were all but dead. She is an artist. Her work is beautiful. She has some paintings and well you name it in the art world she has done it. She is never afraid to let her creative spirit roam free and see where it takes her. She is also a pillar of strength who has taken everything life has thrown at her and said, "I can make it work." She is where I get my motto from.

      I have been blessed in more ways than one. They may not always get me, but they support me in all my little adventures. In that respect, I have been lucky. I guess it's the reason I will never understand why a family would turn their backs on you. I can't think of a single person in my family that would do that. Now, I'm not saying that we always agree. That would be weird because we are all individuals, but; when it comes down to it, they are there for me no matter the situation.

      For my friend, my heart goes out to you, and I have no doubt that my family would adopt you just because you have been my friend. Remember that you are not alone in this world. There are people who will support you no matter what. That sometimes you just have to make a family of your own to get that unconditional love and support.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


      There are signs everywhere you look. All you have to do is observe. I have a small laptop that I write on. A few years ago my house burned to the ground. It was horrible. My family lost everything. All we had on were our pj's and that was about it.

      John managed to get Jacob, Joshua and Sarah out while I grabbed Carolyne. At first, I loaded the kids in the car while John went next door and called in the fire. All I could think was I wanted to make sure the kids stayed rounded up while we waited for the fire truck to get there. I paced back and forth, feeling helpless about the situation. My feet hurt, because I didn't have any shoes on and I stepped on some sticks. It didn't take but a minute, and we both realized the dogs were still in the kennel. John tried to go into the house and get them, but the fire was so hot that it burned the side of his face and body too much for him to stay. When he came out, half his face looked like it was sun burned and his lip was bleeding because he bumped something.

      The neighbors came out and they volunteered to take the kids next door while we waited outside. I don't remember agreeing, but that's what happened. When the firemen were fighting the fire, a small patch of fire jumped to the ground towards the house where the kids were. I started screaming. I thought that house was going to burn too. It was just a few feet away from ours so I was sure that it was going to catch fire. One of my friends, who is a real sweet person hugged me and let my cry on her shoulder while the firemen put the ground out.

      I think it was about three am when the fire was finally put out all the way. I remember feeling numb, like it was all a dream or some sort of surreal mind trip, you know the kind where you're sure that the body your in isn't your own. Tired, shocked and confused, John and I sat down and talked with a red cross agent. truth be told, I didn't think the man was speaking English because I couldn't understand a word he said. More than likely, it was the shock of the whole situation, because I couldn't understand anything that was said to me.

      I called my dad on the neighbors phone. I remember saying, "Daddy, our house burned down." while I cried on the phone. I don't remember the rest of the conversation accept that he offered to have us come home.  There are times when I wonder what would have happened if we would've taken him up on the offer. I turned it down though because I just got a new job at a cell phone company with all the best benefits there were. The thing is, I ended up with PTSD, so I wasn't able to focus on the job I was being trained for. The tapping on every one's keyboard and the small confined space of the cubical on top of the sound the phones made kept bringing me back to that night. When my car broke down and I couldn't get to work, I was thankful and I soon left the position. I didn't know I had PTSD, I think if I had, it would have been different.

      The whole town pitched in to make sure we had everything we needed, including putting us up at a hotel while we waited to move into the house we have now. It has taken us about three years to rebuild. When I was finally able to get my laptop, it was like a symbol to me. We made it through. Once again, I could write and not have to retype what I had written. All my disks made it through the fire, but the paper copies and my journals didn't make it. That's ok though, because once again I'm building what I lost in that area.

      You can rebuild everything accept people and pets. You can survive just about anything if you see past it to something better. There are signs everywhere and all you have to do is look. When my disks made it through the fire, that was a sign. Here's why: They were sitting next to the computer that melted into a flat piece of plastic. They should have melted too. Instead, the were in pristine condition, not even smoke damaged.

      In that single night, we may have lost all our belongings, but what we gained was so much better. I now look around for signs to guide me. What is the universe trying to say? I may not always see them, but they are there. I'm thankful that my family made it and still sad about the dogs, but that's ok. We made it through.

Monday, August 2, 2010

You Can't Teach an Old Demon New Tricks

      When two of the Characters are named Gabriel Too and Frank the New, you know instantly this novel is going to be a fun adventure. Most of the novel is set in a place called Dogwood county. It's a place where the Mega Mart is actually a training ground for new demons and where spiritual battles take place all the time.
      The novel centers around a woman named Rachel Farnsworth, whose marriage has just gone up in smoke and her tiny toddler who just happens to be half demon. Without her knowledge, a sloth demon took over the body of her husband in order to hide out from a fallen angel turned bounty hunter named Sam.

      A hot attraction forms between Sam and Rachel, however her biggest concern is her toddler who is introduced to the story at a birthday party where he makes the cake light on fire.

      Laughter, sadness and even sympathy are all wound together in this story about the power of love at any level. I really hope you check this one out.


      I went to pick up my children Josh and Sarah yesterday. They were a couple hours late getting there. When they finally made it, I thought they were going to cut the circulation off from my brain because they hugged me so tight...smiles...

     I'm so happy that they are home. They couldn't stop talking to us about all the fun they had over summer. That was just the coolest thing to me. Sarah had to tell me everything that was said and done on the trip. Her details of the summer amaze me to no end. It's like she recorded all the memories inside so she could push play and show me what I missed...smiles...

      I don't know how I can describe the joy I feel about having them back home. It's an even greater joy yo know that they wanted to come home. It turns out that my son didn't like the world knowing about his adhd issue. I have never considered it a bad thing or something that he should be ashamed of. It is one of the reasons he has so much intelligence and one of the things that lets his imagination soar. I'm very proud to have Josh as my son. I hope that he knows that. I talk about it though because I worry about him a lot. I want him to know that there is nothing to be ashamed of and that it doesn't have to stop him from doing anything he wants to do.

      We all have our flaws. We all have things that set us apart from everyone else. It's our differences that make us unique and should be celebrated, not hid away in a box full of shame and guilt. For all those out there who are dealing with an issue like ADHD or Bi-polar, or anything else. I say celebrate. Be proud of who you are.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

The Final Miracle Post

      The Miracles event was a great success. Granted, only a few people showed, but that's ok. During the last couple weeks people have been thinking about their lives and all the wonderful things that have happened. They have been willing to share their blessings. There was sadness, laughter, love but most important, there was inspiration and proof that we are all connected. That by itself makes it a success...smiles...

      It has been a lot of fun for me to witness so many stories and so many different ways our lives are touched on a daily basis. Random acts of kindness, laughter and love are all shown through our actions. What a wonderful thing that is...smiles...

      For the most part, the last couple weeks have touched me more through the comments that have been made about this whole experience. It proves to me that when you put good out there, that's what you get back. What I hope that everyone takes from reading the last couple weeks is hope for the future and a belief that anything is possible. For me, I now know that dreams are attainable, life is ever changing and depending upon how you look at it, it's also a lot of fun and full of magic. Oh such a wonderful thing...smiles...

      Tomorrow is the beginning of a new chapter in The 3 L's Live, Laugh, Love. I'm going to start the week off with the very first book review I have ever done. I'm very excited by this!! Reading and writing are two of my own personal passions. I love the way the pages feel in my hand and the how in a good story, the whole thing comes alive. There's nothing like a good book accept maybe writing one of your own and wanting to know what's going to happen next.

      The final miracle I'm going to add is one of those little big ones. It's the miracle of life. The blog is called Live, Laugh, Love for a reason. To live, I mean really live, to me is to have the ability to think for yourself and go through life the way you choose. Granted, when you do this, there are going to be mistakes. Believe me when I say I have made a lot of mistakes. The one thing my dad always said was that if I was going to make a mistake, make sure it's worth it. I can honestly say that I have grown a lot in my life because every mistake I made. They were all chances to grow and learn. If I die tomorrow, I have no regrets. My life has been full of the whole range of human emotions. What more can I ask for? Well, maybe more
      I want to thank EVERYONE who had the courage of heart to share some of the most important moments in their lives. They will continue to inspire, after all, isn't that what life is all about?

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