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Friday, August 6, 2010

A single moment is all it takes

      A single moment is all it takes to make a decision that will change your life. Really, that's it. Just make sure it's what you want. The closer I have gotten the finishing my novel the more nervous I have felt. It isn't something that I want to feel. It's an old habbit I'm trying to break.

      We all go through moments in our lives where we wonder, am I doing the right thing. Will it work out? Can I make it or am I just spinning my wheels? I know that for the last couple months I have been asking myself those same questions over and over again. I don't know why, or where they came from. I'm pretty sure it's caused from a fear of failure.

      I have been taking the advice of friends and been putting that out of my mind and focusing on the more positive. The facts are that I'm really getting GREAT feed back about what I'm writing both here on the blog and in my current novel. I have an awesome support system at home. A great family and group of friends who care enough about me to listen to me ramble on when I need to. I have to say that happens more often then anyone who reads this knows.

      When I start to question myself, I ask John what he thinks. He always tells me to stop wondering and finish. He believes in me. That's worth more to me than gold. I'm also lucky to have a couple friends whose whole heart is with me on this journey. They are my confidants and closest advisors. They have walked me through, almost holding my hand the whole way. It's all these people that are a gift to me. I can't thank them enough for listening and reading.

      Is it any wonder that I would feel a certain amount of fear because I don't want to diappoint these people? Thanks to the advice of a friend named Rachel, I no longer think about it in those terms of failure or success. I look at the whole journey and am thankful I'm able to do any of this at all. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks to the encouragement from John, my sister Chantell, and a dear friend named James, I have been able to keep writing with the knowledge that there are people who like what I'm doing and believe in me. Even when I didn't believe in myself.

      I know that I said the miracles event was over, but I want to say that for me, one of those small big miracles is the fact that these people have been put in my life. I don't question if they are coming from a place of honesty. They have been honest with me when I didn't want to hear it. I don't question their motives. They care because that's who they are. I'm so thankful for those people.

      I have been learning that belief in yourself starts with one choice. It's a single commitment that you make to yourself. For everyone it's a different thing. When you make that choice, and you follow it through, the universe finds a way to make sure that you have a support system right there to guide you along the path. For myself, the path is one that is filled with rejection, heartache and wonder. It is something I have been preparing my whole life for. For me, when it came time to make this decision, there was no other choice. It was just, do it. Make it work. Take all that I have learned and toss the chips.

      What more can a person ask for in life than a handful of friends and family whose love and devotion make it possible to seek out your dreams and make them happen?


Rachel C. said...

I've probably said this before (as I tend to say this to several people) but, did you know that the physiological reaction to fear - increased heart rate, sweaty palms, shaky voice, etc. - is absolutely identical to the physiological reaction to excitement? Naturally, as this is a very personal endeavor for you there's surely a healthy blend of both fear and excitement. The good news is it all boils down to how you define it. Are you having the time of your life, or are you scared out of your wits? One of these will propel you forward, the other will stop you in your tracks.

From this perspective it looks to me like you're soaring, so keep it up! We're all very excited for you!

Browneyegirl145 said...

Thank you soooo much....and yeah, I'm soaring...smiles...I'm having a blast and the bones of my novel is almost complete...I can't wait to hear what people think and I hope It gets picked up...smiles...

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