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Monday, April 25, 2011

The Definition of Frustration

The definition of frustration is simple....grrrrr.

It doesn't matter why I'm frustrated...it just matters that I am. I'm standing still in the middle of the freeway with all these cars honking as they pass me. Some of them even flip me off. I feel like doing it back but I don't.

For the most part, it's just a part of life. Things aren't working out the way I want them to. My "car" isn't fast enough and I'm really tired of being honked at. I know some smart ass comment is coming my way. Get out of the road idiot or buy a new car. You know something stupid. All this is a metaphore. I'm sure you're sitting there going, "really" and my reply would be some sort of look. One that says come on did you have to go there?

Still, I feel the frustration building in every aspect of my life. Summer is coming and I have to ask "him" for things again. I hate asking anyone for anything. I can't stand it. Especially when I know I'm going to pay for it later. It doesn't matter though, I'm a prisoner of my own reality and have made it so the key is burried five feet under the ground just outside my cell. Trapped. Alone. Lost. Without any sort of escape coming my way. What more can I say about that....nothing.

So now, I sit with my headphones on and listen to the Eagles. Hotel California to be exact. I'm waiting for all the hard work to pay off. I'm waiting for someone to look up at the window of my cell and say, here's a shovel. With that I can get myself out. I'm waiting...for a miracle.

I don't know. Maybe I should just use the spoon I have and get out that way. The definition of frustration is pacing back and forth without a clue as to what to do next. It's feeling trapped in a corner with no escape. It's the single thing you want and can't have. It is when you don't get your way and things aren't going right. Hell who knows what's right? I don't anymore.

The single worst thing in the world is giving up...so I'm stuck with frustration. Wow. What a load of crap that can be.

I'm sure people are saying why are you complaining. I'm not...I'm venting. For the most part I'm happy. I've just had a bad day. I don't have them too often. Today is just one of them. Who knows why. Who cares. It is what it is and there is nothing else to it.

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